three interviews in ten days

I made it through 3 interviews in 10-11 days. Here’s the breakdown: 5 days of interviews,3 days of interview-related travel, 1 day at work (cumulatively; in practice, 2 half-days at work), and 2 weekend days. In the meantime, I have prepared 1 section of a grant, and have come down with 1 head cold.

Last week’s Interview #3 was okay, albeit a bit bizarre. The schedule was less organized than my others (e.g., it didn’t mention whether I’d have breakfast with the faculty members who picked me up at the hotel or if I should eat on my own, etc.), and had longer meetings. There were some odd moments during the actual interview itself, and in two instances, people were downright rude (i.e., when the search committee ignored me for most of the dinner on the 2nd night; when one of the search committee members bemoaned all the extra search-related “obligations” in front me at the same dinner). A third happening was just strange (i.e., the department chair asking me if “anything had happened to make me less interested in the position” during my campus visit. Well, actually, the search committee ignoring me during dinner did make me less interested, but I couldn’t exactly say that, could I?). The big draw for this position is the big startup package. It’s huge, and I could do a lot with it. The expectations are about the same as at the other places I’ve interviewed, and the family leave policies are very generous. I just don’t know if I like the people enough to seek tenure there. We’ll see what happens in another 2-3 weeks.

I have another 1.5 day interview later this week, but fortunately I can drive to this one instead of messing around with flights! It’s only 1-2 hours away by car, in good driving conditions. With luck my ears will be unclogged and I will have ceased blowing my nose by that point.

One of my biggest concerns throughout this whole process has been managing my medication schedule. Most of the time it’s gone ok. Each day I’ve carried only the doses I need of my medication in a small, decorative pill case. The prescription bottle is buried deep in my suitcase, usually mixed in with my dirty laundry just in case anybody decides to snoop… I’ve carried a bottle of water so I won’ t have to find a drinking fountain. In this way, I’ve mostly been able to take my medication mostly on schedule. When there have been gaps, they have luckily been during times in which I haven’t needed to think or express myself too clearly. Having a big of a cold has helped, because it gives me a “cover” when I have taken my medication in front of people.

Another big concern has been thinking of questions to ask people, especially administrators such as provosts and deans. I’ve always found this difficult, especially since I get rattled when I’m not sure what types of questions are really appropriate to ask in these sorts of situations. Fortunately, I’ve found a list of example questions online. This has helped reduce my anxiety, so I can focus on getting the information I need during the interview.

In essence, I’m getting through this one day at a time. It’s taken some creativity and flexibility, but it seems to be working ok so far.

two interviews in one week

I did it — I made it through my week with two back-to-back interviews. I didn’t feel extremely tired before I went to bed and slept for 8 hours Friday night, but I woke up Saturday morning feeling pretty worn out. I guess that I made it through the last couple of days on adrenaline? I’m feeling better today (Sunday) but am still dreading tomorrow’s full day of work. Having MLK day off is just a joke!

So, to summarize the interviews… both were in similar departments at two state universities in the same state. The first interview was fine: the faculty were really, really nice, and the job has certain unique perks that aren’t offered elsewhere (sorry can’t be more specific; these perks are very ADD and “Dr. Addled” – friendly!). Unfortunately, I didn’t feel much of a connection with the department, faculty or students, and suspected that I’d have few if any options for collaborative research. Also, the teaching load was pretty high (3-3; 3 classes each semester). The second interview at the “better” university went much better in all respects, even if the “perks” aren’t built-in to the position: the faculty and students were fantastic, and the environment itself is very conducive to collaborative research. The faculty and students clearly want a new faculty member who can do strong research, but this person must be able to play well with others, so to speak. The teaching load is lower (a 2-2 load, which means I’d teach 2 classes each semester). Interestingly, the research expectations were the same at both institutions, and the salary at University #2 is much higher than at University #1. Faculty at uni #2 responded very favorably to my job talk, and the students seemed ready to help me pack my moving truck at the drop of a hat.

After just a few hours at Uni #2, I felt very comfortable there, and felt like I was “clicking” with the faculty and students. I even started to have fun, which is by no means univeral on interviews! This sense was strong enough that I felt I could safely disclose that I am married (something that freaks out some academics – come on, like my 6mm wedding band isn’t already a clue?!?). I hope this wasn’t a tactical error, but would be surprised if it makes a difference (e.g., all the current faculty are married, so why would it be a problem for me other than my saying so might make me look unprofessional?). As it happens, I later learned that the realtor had “outed” me to the department secretary, who then in turn “outed” me to the search chair. Grr… at least when I brough it up with the department chair, it was my choice! The secretary made a big deal about it right before my job talk, which was more annoying than anything else (i.e., “Is ‘Addled’ your married name? Oh, it’s not? Then what’s your husband’s name if it’s not ‘Addled’?”). Hu’s  behavior was way  more unprofessional than mine, to say the least!

Although I didn’t want to put myself into this position, I will probably be very, very upset if I don’t receive an offer from University #2. The truth is, I will be brokenhearted, because I don’t think the fit can be  better than this. I just hope that the search committee members feel the same way about me. At least I only have to wonder for 2-3 weeks, by which time all the candidates will have visited and the search committee will have had time to deliberate and extend an offer to their top choice.

self-diagnosis and responses to recent comments

A couple of readers have recently commented with questions about how I knew that I had ADD/ADHD, or if I recognized their particular list of symptoms.

First and foremost, welcome new readers, whether you’ve commented or not!

Second, I’ve been hemming and hawing about how to address your questions. On one hand, as a psychologist and academic with ADD, I think it’s important that I blog about my experiences so others can (hopefully) know that they’re not alone. But, on the other hand, as a psychologist who knows that ADD is “easy to fake” in order to get stimulant meds, I’m reluctant to describe my exact experiences. It’s not that I doubt the truthfulness of commenters; it’s more that I’m aware that not everybody’s motives are fully honest, and unfortunately, cheaters spoil everything for the rest of us.  Plus, I do have that Chronicle of Higher Ed column in press, and I’d hate to get myself into legal trouble by replicating the content (although it was previously posted here and the entry has since been removed; I promise to post the link once it’s published!). So, after doing some deep thinking last night, I came to a compromise… I can safely blog about how I self-diagnosed myself in general terms, without giving really personal examples (as these might be useful to folks who wish to fake ADD symptoms in order to get stimulant meds), or overlapping the content that will be published elsewhere.

 Tara, your experiences sound very familiar to  me. If I were you, I’d strongly consider talking to a doctor or psychiatrist about whether ADD is a possibility. One point that struck me from your comment was about the U.K. not being a “therapy culture.” I suspect that your view of the U.S. is that we are a “therapy culture.” I’d agree… we totally are, for better or for worse. But, the thing is… ADD is a medical problem, and therapy can’t do a great deal to treat it, other than perhaps help you accept your personal quirks, deal with any secondary consequences of these quirks (e.g., anxiety, depression, other problems), and perhaps also help you develop ways to make your life work better. Unfortunately, I’ve heard horror stories from U.K. ADDers in regard to meds, and hope that you have good luck if this is something you decide to explore. If meds aren’t an option, then there are behavioral ways to help you cope with your symptoms. Feel free to contact me via the form on my blog, or to comment again if you’d like recommendations for books, etc.

To go back to the issue at hand, however, the symptom/experience/realization that finally got me into the shrink’s office was “ADD overwhelm.”  In particular, overhwhelm wore me out and killed my motivation. Everything and nothing was overwhelming, and each day I was left exhausted, emotionally laible, unable to make decisions or get started doing much of anything. I still feel this way sometimes, but usually on med “holiday” days, particulary if I have to go someplace overstimulating! The good news is that this has gotten a lot better now that I’m properly medicated. I’m now submitting an average of 1 article each month, despite feeling that meds put me at 90% of “typical” functioning. I can read and write better, and just generally make good progress each day. This leaves me feeling less overwhelmed, even if I still can’t make myself do tasks once I’m home at night and the meds have worn off.

A new realization: When I started this blog a little less than a year ago, I was still really struggling with my ADD symptoms, regardless of the fact that I’d been diagnosed and in treatment for over 6 months. I now feel like I’m managing it instead of letting it manage me, mostly because I think I’ve found the right medication combination. Even with the job market stress, I’m doing okay and feel optomistic about my future. I hope you (my readers) can too, if you’re not already there!

a brief post from the road

I’d originally intended to write a substantive post today/tonight, following up on my 1st interview of the week (the gist: it went well, ADD-wise), with a discussion of some of the strategies that seem to be working well for this marathon interviewing week. Most importantly: I am “in the moment” and am working hard to take each day at a time instead of freaking out over the whole stressful week at once.

But, I have very recently realized that I’m in WAY, WAY over my head on this 2nd interview. For example, tomorrow I will meet with 3 deans, a department chair, the search chair, as well as a research center manager. Have I mentioned before how intimidating I find meeting with deans, provosts, etc., even if these individuals typically take the lead in the conversation?

Then there’s the second day of the interview… which I expect will be the time I have meetings with individual faculty members.

The best strategies at this moment are ordering room service and getting down to business with the last-minute “cramming” for all tomorrow’s meetings. A longer post is out of the question for the time being, consistent with most of my writing for the previous 6 weeks!

powerpoint… nothing BUT powerpoint

It’s generally accepted that it’s a really good thing for ADDers to mix their tasks so they’re not doing the same thing over and over again for an extended period of time.

I spent most of my week in powerpoint, with only brief visits to my statistical software, ms word, etc. I now have 1 fully finished presentation (for next week), 1 95% finished job talk (to be delivered 10 days from now), 1 80% finished teaching talk (for next week), and 0% of a 15-minute long teaching demonstration (10 days from now). I cannot bring myself to finish the teaching talk’s text or figure out how I want to finish the 95% finished job talk. Literally, all I need to do is a) decide whether to keep, drop, or streamline some slides from the introduction, and b) edit/reframe my concluding comments. Ditto for the teaching talk, which only needs speaker notes and a conclusion. But, being an ADDer… there’s nothing I can do to motivate myself to go back into powerpoint and just finish the job. I’m just too sick of it, and can’t think straight any longer.

Earlier this week my boss invited me to come on one of hu’s four grants as a statistician. So on top of the job interviews & other related activities, manuscripts, and regular data management, I have to write a section of a grant by 1 February. I’m still trying to get 4 R&R manuscripts out by mid-March, and have to construct a poster & write a presentation in the meantime.

Something’s got to give… I suspect things will feel a lot less stressful if I get a job offer in the middle of all this craziness. For that to happen, however, I’ve got to finish those absurd powerpoints!

in the trenches

I have two campus visits next week, and a third the week after. Don’t expect to hear from me too much this month.

Today I’m in the middle of rewriting my job talk so it’s focused on my “cooking skills” for the third campus visit. This is taking a lot of time, because I keep waffling on how I want to focus my 40-min long talk. I also have to prep a lecture on an as-of-yet unknown topic for next week’s first interview.

I’ve been pretty stressed these last couple of weeks about these upcoming interviews, and about personal stuff that’s been going on in the background (e.g., father-in-law had surprise heart surgery, & Hubby just found out he might have a genetic blood disorder too).  My muscles cramp up badly when I’m stressed, and last night I finally noticed that they were so crampy I couldn’t lay comfortably in bed while trying to get to sleep. This is very, very bad. Today I am still all achey-sore, so I’m cutting out of work a teeny bit early to go get a badly-needed massage.

Things will be better in a couple of weeks, right? Keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll have an offer in hand by the end of the month…