the master task list

..is also known as how I know what I’ve done and what I need to be doing. This is an invaluable tool, and is something I’ve done in various forms ever since middle school. Back then, I’d make a homework list every day so I’d be sure to bring home the right books at night. My master task list system is a more complicated version of my old homework list.

I wouldn’t be an ADDer if I wasn’t preoccupied with HOW to organize my list. Consequently, I actually have three “master” lists, listed here in the order of “used least” to “used most”:

1. A small notebook for research ideas, since I know I won’t remember them for long. This travels to work and home in my backpack.
2. A composition notebook for meetings. I prepare notes with my progress, questions, etc., before going into meetings with my supervisor. During our meetings, I take notes about our decisions, future directions, and assignments. This is handy because all the notes are in one place, and a notebook tends to last for at least a year. If I ever forget when something was decided or the chain of decision-making altogether, I can just flip back through the book. This tends to stay at work during the week, but might come home on the weekend. I have a tendency to tuck active drafts into it whenever it comes home.
3. A legal pad on my desk in which all big tasks are broken down into intermediate steps. I check things off as I do them, and add new tasks as needed. I start a new list each week, carrying over last weeks’ unfinished tasks and adding new ones for the week.

I also have a PDA, which I essentially treat like a paper calendar. It has the added benefit of alarms. I don’t use it for task lists because I find it too cumbersome & slow to add them, and I get annoyed with how the task items interface with my appointments calendar. Tasks only end up in the PDA if an alarm is necessary.

Most of the time this structure is sufficient to help me be productive most of the day. Instead of having to determine which tasks need to be done, prioritize them, and then stick to them, all I have to do is figure out what’s the top priority and get going. It’s certainly not foolproof. Sometimes it’s hard to stick to the list. I have to WANT to stick to it in order to do it. All bets are off if medication isn’t right or if there are big stressors.

Let me stress that what works for me won’t necessarily work for other academics with ADD. Others might benefit from just one of my three lists, or might require an additional one of their own. It’s all about finding what works for the individual and not getting caught up in the stimulation of setting up a new system.

This may be easier said than done, however. Last year I attended an Adult ADD group at my local psychiatric outpatient center. Based on the groups’ experiences, simplicity seems to be the most important factor in finding & sticking to an ADD-friendly life-organizing system. Group members who tried to implement more complicated systems generally became frustrated at some point of the process and gave up.

In particular, I recall that one member was determined to make his hand-held voice recorder “talk” to his computer’s calendar software so he could print a daily schedule each morning before work. In theory it sounded like a great, very ADD-friendly idea. Say it, transmit it to the computer at night, and print it. In a practical sense, however, it was a total nightmare because there were too many steps involved in making it work. It was relatively simple to set up the hardware and software. The big obstacle was training the user, as getting the appointments and notes in the right places required that he speak a type of computer code before the actual appointment entry (something like “Open calendar. New appointment. Monday, 30 July, 2007. 7 am to 8 am. Dentist appointment”). Miss a step and the entry didn’t make it into the calendar. He worked on this for almost a year before giving up in frustration.

The bottom line… an academic’s time is limited, and adding ADD into the mix makes it harder to productively use that limited amount of time. Keep your system simple, and it should help you stick with it.

Moving in…

I’m still moving in to this blog from my old personal one. Hold your horses & be patient, ok?

All sorts of goodies on the way, I promise.

updates and thoughts

My supervisor left on holiday this morning and will be out of the office through next week. I’ve decided to make it an “easy day;” I arrived at 10.30 and will probably depart around 4 this afternoon. I’ve earned some slacky-time over the past couple of weeks, and know that I won’t get much overall between now and, say, Christmas.

My lab is on a major push to get papers submitted using data that were collected at four different sites across the country. I’m a bit behind on my paper because I got a late start in the spring and due to the wedding earlier this summer. I’d sent 25% of it to my boss two weeks ago, right before he left for a weekend out of town (ah, the summer schedules of academics!), but never heard anything back from him. When he and I met yesterday, we figured out that it somehow became lost in the cyberspace between our two offices. About an hour prior to our meeting, I’d unfortunately discovered that the file had become corrupted. All of the letters in each paragraph layered themselves on top of each other, with the net effect being a file full of black globs. Strangely the tables and figures had been preserved perfectly. Our local IT guy recovered an old copy for me, which also appeared to be corrupted BUT ONLY ON MY COMPUTER. I sent a copy to a colleague, who printed a hard copy for me, reformatted the file and saved it under a new name. No dice — it was still corrupted when he sent it back to me. I’ve concluded that something is wrong with Microsoft Office on my machine, but now have yet to convince the IT guy to fix my installation. I’m not sure I’m willing to fight this battle today, since only one document refuses to cooperate with me.

Somewhere in the middle of this I was asked to review an article for a multidisciplinary journal on adolescence and young adulthood. I’ve printed it but haven’t looked at it yet. Like I said, it’s a slacky sort of day. Reviewing is not my favorite activity, mostly because it takes a lot of time. Journals seem to be in the habit of sending me really bad papers to review, which is in itself a unique challenge. Reviews should only be about 1-2 pages long, but it can be hard to stick to that limit when researchers commit too many sins!

In the meantime, lately I’ve been working on my job application materials and 2-3 other manuscripts which must be submitted before I can submit any job applications. More good ads have been posted, and I’m very excited about a couple of positions. One in particular would provide unique personal and professional opportunities. I’m trying to avoid getting too excited, as it makes the heartbreak that much worse. Please keep your fingers crossed for me!

On a related note, as that first application submission moves closer and closer, I’ve been thinking about how to deal with my blog. I’ve decided that it’s too much trouble to make it “by invite only,” and have thus started making it as anonymous as possible. Please be advised that photos and other personal information will be temporarily removed on or around August 1. If you wanted to check out our wedding photos but hadn’t yet had the chance, now is the time to do so!

I think I’m finished with my submission to the Chronicle for Higher Education, sans the final round of edits. I’ve poured most of my thoughts about the academic experience from the eyes of an ADDer into it. I’m reluctant to do that round of edits today because I’ve had WAY too much caffeine, am listening to a Swedish techno station via Itunes, and my medication dosage still isn’t quite right. All in all, I’m having trouble sitting still today! Writing this entry is going pretty well, and writing stuff for work is going okay despite my having semi-predictable gaps in coverage.

A dose of short-acting ritalin is supposed to kick in about 15-30 minutes after taking it, and is supposed to last about 4 hours. I have gotten into the habit of taking it right before I leave for work in the morning, around 8.30. Per med-shrink’s instructions, I should take it my 2nd dose at 12.30. Unfortunately I’ve found that I can’t wait that long, and I end up twiddling my thumbs and bouncing from activity to activity unless I take it by 11.45 or 12.00 at the latest. Predictably, the second dose stops working around 3 or 3.30, which is WAY too early in the day. I’ve tried to work through it by structuring my day accordingly, but it’s just not enough. Plus, there are times that I have meetings in the late afternoon. Stringing together coherent sentences and paying attention to conversations during these meetings is important!

Talky-shrink mentioned that it isn’t unusual for adults to require 3 doses to get through a workday. I can definitely see the advantage in potentially adding a 3rd dose around 3.00. The need to be able to persevere until after 3 will be particularly acute during the time I’ll be on the market. So, seeing that I don’t have another med management appointment until the end of August, I will have to call med-shrink today to ask her about whether this is something we can consider at this time.

I do have energy, however, to post a little bit about my new obsession, which is undoubtedly linked to my neurotypical quirk. I definitely find myself thinking about it more during the aforementioned medication gaps… my new obsession is clothing from India. Yes, I am weird, but I don’t care. It occurred to me on my last international trip that Indian women’s clothing looks way better suited to long flights than my typical travel garb (long-sleeved t-shirt and khakis or jeans). A couple of weeks ago I started doing research into salwar kameez, which is sort of like an Indian sweatsuit. It consists of a kameez (like a kurta, which is a longish top that can resemble a dress), and salwar, which are looser-fitting pants that may or may not have cuffs. Salwar kameez also sometimes have churidar instead of salwar, and churidar are more like gathered stretch pants. Sometimes a dupatta (a scarf that can serve as a shawl) is also worn, but not always. There are casual versions in cotton and rayon for everyday wear, and fancy versions in silk & other dressy fabrics for parties, weddings and other festive occasions. Custom tailoring is the norm. This permits wearers to ensure that their suit fits and flatters them as they prefer.

Being the thrifty girl that I am, I wanted to try one before I had one custom made. I found a non-custom one on eBay for $18, and it arrived last Saturday. The one pictured to the right isn’t my model, but is similar in styling. Mine is pumpkin orange, trimmed in black and red. A black & red pattern is printed on the kameez, which is knee-length. The salwar is plain orange. The dupatta has a red and black pattern similar to the kameez. It is as comfortable as I imagined, despite being a little too small.

As I eventually think I will have one made for me, I started looking into retailers that ship to the US. This is how I found S2 Fashions, a company in India that makes custom salwar suits and kurtis. I have since ordered two shirts (pictured at right and left), as I am holding off on a custom salwar suit until I am brave enough to wear the pumpkin one outside of the house! Both shirts will be custom-fitted to my measurements. I’m excited about the styles, as they are just a little bit different but not so different that I’d feel odd wearing them in public. Shipping to the US from India was just $10, and it appears that I could have my tops in about 2-3 weeks’ time. I’ll post again once they arrive.

a missed opportunity

Two years ago I received a set of 4 Katabuki kitty plates and 2 matching teacups. I’d kept them tucked away because we didn’t have room for them in the kitchen. Recently I’d remembered them and wanted to buy two more cups so I’d have the complete set.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I found that they are permanently out-of-stock at Stash Tea. What’s more is that nobody else in the world seems to carry this design.

I am entirely heartbroken. They are just cups, but they are great cups.

I so wish that I’d taken care of this months ago when I’d initially remembered it. I think they cost around $13, but at the time, it seemed like an unnecessary purchase.

If anybody happens across a set of these cups anywhere, please buy them and tell me. I will naturally pay you for the purchase and the effort!

timing the transition to parenthood

ubby and I made a second attempt to get to the store to buy milk and cat food last night. We succeeded, much to the cats’ delight. Once again we did not buy a new tv, much to Hubby’s chagrin!

During the drive, hubby mentioned that he’d heard some interesting news through the work grapevine. In the near future, consultants receiving the specialized training he’d just finished were going to be required to sign contracts agreeing to not leave the company for three years post-training. Hubby was in the first batch of consultants to receive this training, and doesn’t yet know whether he will be asked to sign a similar contract.

This is naturally cause for concern for me because we’d previously decided that we’d put off having a family until he left his consulting position, presumably some time in the spring of 2009. Neither of us wants to start a family while he’s still traveling. It’s not fair to me, as the parent who would be trying to work full time while taking care of a new baby by myself most of the week. It’s also not fair to Hubby, and it’s particularly sad to think about him missing all that time with his child. He’s clearly his niece and nephew’s favorite uncle (the “fun” uncle), and it’s inconceivable that he’ll enjoy spending time with his own children less than the time he spends with them. I’m just worried about how we’ll make this work.

From my perspective as a non-tenured academic who wants to have a family, it’s already pushing it to wait until I’m 32. I’m already struggling with waiting, and I don’t know if I could wait until I’m 33. It just seems risky, particularly since I have a handful of friends who have waited until that age and then were unable or experienced great difficulty getting pregnant. I already have Factor V Leiden working against me, after all. My midwife told me not to worry at my last checkup a year ago… but that was before my friends disclosed their fertility-related problems.

So the big question is… what’s the solution? Quitting jobs is not an option. Neither is my being pregnant while I interview later this autumn and winter, as it can complicate matters substantially. Do we try to start a family on our old schedule, regardless of Hubby’s contract issues? Keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best 3 years from now? Both go to my annual midwife appointment and try to figure out what will work best considering my health & our careers?

medication, therapy, & web graphics (today’s miscellanous thoughts)

 

irst and foremost, let it be known that I have a new favorite graphics website. Clipart etc is a free site that includes a massive quantity of old-fashioned graphics, many taken from old books, etc. There are also sister-sites with powerpoint presentation & website backgrounds and maps. Very cool stuff, accompanied by a very friendly usage license for educators and students. I am suspicious that we will end up using this website for non-educational purposes. After all, who wouldn’t want to add a 16th century map of Scandinavia to their collection? (And yes, I am a big nerd, in case you didn’t know already). My blanket acknowledgement…. I will use their graphics as I can, I love having my blog look like a book from the middle ages. If there is no credit given to a particular old-looking black & white graphic on my blog, it’s from Clipart etc.

 

econd, I am pleased to announce that I tapered off of Lexapro over the past 2 weeks, and have not taken any in 48 hours. Unfortunately I am still experiencing SSRI discontinuation syndrome (AKA withdrawal), despite the fact that I took a tiny 10mg dose for a bare 3-4 months and reduced my dosage 2.5 milligrams every three days. If this is what it’s like to stop after such a short period of time, I hope that I never have to take it again. Today’s fun is dizziness and brain zaps. I don’t know when these symptoms will stop, but it’s still worth it to be rid of the side effects I experienced while taking Lexapro.

hird, I had my last appointment with Talky-Shrink last week. We didn’t quit therapy because I’m completely cured or no longer require additional support. It’s because she is a resident, and her year of training in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) ended at the end of the “school” year on June 30. It’s sometimes possible for residents to keep patients on their caseload after their training period ends, and Talky-Shrink tried to do that with me because we knew that I have recently been doing quite well and wouldn’t require too much more therapy. Unfortunately her supervisor disagreed, decreed that she needed practice with terminating the therapist-patient relationship, and issued the ultimatium that he wouldn’t continue to supervise her unless she terminated with me. Naturally I didn’t want her to have to find a new supervisor, so we terminated.

Just in case I do need help in the coming year (entirely possible, given the stress involved in the academic job search), my med-shrink has agreed to provide supportive therapy on an “as needed” basis. This sounds like a good plan to me, despite med-shrink’s overall weirdness. Med-shrink is also a resident, and is 1 year ahead of talky-shrink in their program. Med-shrink and talky-shrink share the same supervisor. Strangely, however, the supervisor allowed med-shrink to keep me on her caseload because med-shrink is “still learning from me.” I’m not quite sure what that means, other than med-shrink enjoys having me on her caseload. Apparently I’m a good patient because I come to appointments on time, am pleasant in interactions, take my medication as directed, and call her when I’m experiencing medication problems. This really makes me wonder what her other patients are like…

anticipate a change in medication dosage soon, incidentally. I’m having gaps in coverage during the day. I’m also spending a lot of time focusing on the wrong things, like blogging and decorating my blog with fancy capitol letters. Not a good use of time, even if it is stress-relieving!

…and now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

At some previous point, I stated that the intent of this blog was to chronicle my experiences as an academic with ADD. For some reason, it seems that everything I’ve written recently has been about our wedding, not academic life!

From one perspective, academia is a life-encompassing choice. When I decided to embrace the identity of academic, I knew I wasn’t just choosing a career. Deciding to become an academic also means that one’s career is inevitably connected to one’s life and vice versa. As a developmental scientist, I view marriage as just one of those life transitions that inevitably impacts the rest of life. Getting & being married definitely impacts my work & my identity as an academic as a whole. I don’t necessarily see a clear division between my work and this aspect of my life. Naturally, it could just be my tangential ADD-type thinking that has led me to this conclusion.

From another perspective, me writing about our wedding is just fluff, and nobody really cares anyway. Get to the good stuff, Addled!

Regardless of your perspective, please let me state for the record… the wedding stuff is almost entirely over. Aside from stating now that our professional pictures have been formatted on DVD, which Hubby’s mom will send to us via snailmail tomorrow. Beyond posting a link to these pictures, I anticipate just one more entry reflecting on the whole experience following our stateside reception, which will occur in two weeks. That’s it!

Without further ado, here is the planned entry about academic life & ADD.

The Chronicle of Higher Education recently published an announcement requesting diaries from this year’s batch of academic job seekers. I hyperfocused for a few enjoyable hours while preparing my submission. Naturally it’s about my looming job search, starting with my experiences the last time I was on the market (pre-diagnosis), continuing on to my anticipated assets & constraints this time around. As this is clearly relevant to my blog, I’d post it here now, except that could lead to plagiarism concerns. I will link to this submission if they choose to publish it (under a pseudonym, of course), or will post it here myself if rejected.

In other news, the job market madness has now started in earnest. There are now officially 18 jobs for which I will apply between now and December 1. I expect that number to climb substantially during the next two months. The jobs are primarily in psychology departments, at universities and colleges of varying sizes, and are located from coast to coast. There’s a good mix, and hubby and I are pretty excited about some of them. But please let me reiterate yet again… to have so many ads posted so early is quite unusual. Usually the postings don’t begin to pop up like weeds until after Labor Day (maybe this is another effect of global warming?). I’m not complaining about the early start, because later postings make it harder on applicants to get their full packets to the search committees on time. It’s always better to be early than to be late… and as I know I have to worry about at least one letter writer being late with her materials, I’d better get my apps in as early as I can.

True to form, I’d intended to start revising my materials directly after returning home from the wedding. This hasn’t happened yet. I have revised outlines on my hard drive at work, deadlines set with colleagues who are also working on their materials, but am still procrastinating. Why can’t I hyperfocus on this important task instead of on cheap J. Crew dresses on eBay?

Last but not least, I’ve already restricted my profiles on sites like Friendster, MySpace, and Facebook to friends only. Just as a reminder, my blog will become much more anonymous the night before I mail that first job application in approximately another month. All personal pictures & the remaining identifying details will be removed. Although I don’t list my blog on my vita, I don’t want to run the risk that somebody on a search committee will find it accidentally or on purpose. I can’t anticipate how search committee members might react to learning that I’ve struggled with depression & am being actively treated for ADD. I can’t think that it would help my prospects. It’s always just better to be proactive and cautious.