no energy & totally bored

I worked at home today while I waited for the cable guy to arrive. We upgraded to a package deal that includes cable internet, VOIP phone, and more cable channels than we ever wanted. The cool thing is that our bill will only be about $20 higher than it was before for just cable internet, digital cable with DVR service, HBO and the sports package. Makes me feel like we’re getting the phone for free! This is great, because the primary reason we needed a house phone was because Jan needed a fax machine for work. Now he can fax his vouchers to the home office from our house, instead of having to run to the grocery store and pay to do it. This is particulary great because those pesky vouchers are usually due shortly after he returns home.

Anyway, it was a totally non-productive day, fitting with my week of under-production in general. I reread the manuscript I’m reviewing for a journal, and jotted down some notes about it, but haven’t gotten around to typing up a coherent review yet. I also brought home a 4″ stack of articles I need while I rework a 10-page introduction to a review manuscript. Have I touched these? Just barely. I brought home a half-zip drive full of data files only to find out that my SPSS license has expired (meaning, I can only work in M-Plus until I’ve renewed it, and M-Plus is awful for basic data massage).

Have I accomplished anything? Nope, not really. Did this fact keep me awake and working after the cable guy installed the phone this afternoon? Of course not. I crashed out on the couch around 3.45, manuscript in hand.

I had nice kitty snuggles during my nap (Scary is feeling much better, thank goodness!), and knit 3 rows in the new baby blanket I’ve started for a friend who is trying to get pregnant (at least, I think it’s for her. She keeps coming to mind as I work on it, so it somehow feels like it will go to her in the long run).

I can’t tell if this lethargy is because of my assorted medications or in spite of them. I have a feeling that when I bring this up with med/talky shrink tomorrow, she’ll probably enable this behavior because I’ve been under a lot of stress in the last few months. This doesn’t please me, however, because I need to be working and producing steadily, and I can’t when I’m falling asleep mid-afternoon.

At least some of it is probably because I’m entirely bored with what I’m doing right now. I’m so bored with my postdoc, with research in general, and with my topics, that I can barely keep focused on it all long enough to work on anything. When I’m bored, it’s easier to procrastinate by taking a nap, eating lunch, working on another task that isn’t as pressing, etc. At the same time, I also can’t contemplate anything else that is more interesting than what I already have on my to-do list at work, except perhaps knitting, the weekly episode of Lost, and the possibility of painting our dining room wall light green.

I think this means that I’m going to have to try a different medication. I’m supposed to see my real med shrink next week, so hopefully she’ll have some ideas about what to do. I’m getting to the end of my rope… if taking stimulants will help me get my work done without being lulled to sleep by boredom, than it will be worth it.